TPAOL Question #24 - Replacing One Love with Another

by James Meek

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TPAOL Question #24 - Replacing One Love with Another

Unread postby Liz » Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:11 pm

Pg. 383. "They sat in silence for a while. Mutz could feel what he now recognized as love shining over into friendship and wondered whether, if they lived in the same town long enough, the memories of that new tamer feeling might smother the older and it come to seem that there had never been anything else."

Do you believe that is possible?
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Linda Lee
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Unread postby Linda Lee » Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:40 pm

Do I believe that is possible?

Possible, yes - probable, no. I think it is very difficult for a man and woman who have been lovers to become just friends.
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Unread postby Lady Jill » Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:50 pm

My very first reaction was ABSOLUTLY NOT, 'er , ''ah . . .based on my relationships with the opposit sex. . . but after thinking about it a while, I believe it is really the hardest for men. Women seem to want to and could possibly be able to pull it off, going from lovers to friends. Those things said, I have known or met A FEW people that can say they are still friends with ex lovers. . .but I'm taking here about people that may have children involved, so its' easier.

As for Mutz. . ." he wondered if". . .Ah ha! Even he wasn't sure if he could pull it off, living in the same town. Run, Mutz, run, there's other women in the country of Russia!

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Unread postby DeppInTheHeartOfTexas » Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:17 pm

I'm not sure the other feeling could ever be smothered and forgotten but I do think it's possible to be friends, but not easy and not for everyone. I know someone who has been going through this for a while now. He and his girlfriend broke up two years ago but remain best friends. However, I think he would go back to the old relationship in a heartbeat if he thought she would agree. I think it very much depends on the people involved and their personalities.
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Unread postby Liz » Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:54 pm

I think it’s possible because I know people who claim they are still friends. I think it depends on a lot of factors. Like GG pointed out, having kids together could be a factor in making it easier. I think it has a lot to do with the nature of the relationship prior to its shift and the reason for the shift. I also think that it takes a certain kind of person to handle it. I’m not sure what kind of person that is, LOL. But I don’t think it’s for everyone. And the one who pushes for the shift might be more prone to be able to handle it than the other party. I personally don’t think I could handle it. It would be too painful for me.

I think that Mutz could probably handle it for a time. He seemed to be able to put his emotions aside at times.
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Unread postby gemini » Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:03 pm

"They sat in silence for a while. Mutz could feel what he now recognized as love shining over into friendship and wondered whether, if they lived in the same town long enough, the memories of that new tamer feeling might smother the older and it come to seem that there had never been anything else."
I'm trying to think of this from what we know about Mutz. I think this is wishful thinking on Mutz part here, because in his and Anna's relationship, he was the one in love not her. She would probably have no problem with that type of relationship because she had actually told him she no longer wanted to sleep with him. He still befriended her and wanted to rekindle their relationship and take her away. I think she did consider leaving with him until a better offer came along, but to her he was only a friend she happen to sleep with. He had come to realize that she didn't feel the same about him and is wondering to himself if he could find friendship with her acceptable.

Do you believe that is possible?
Yes It's possible but the relationship is never really balanced because one of them wanted the love relationship downgraded to freindship and the other accepts it only as a last resort.
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Unread postby Liz » Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:44 pm

gemini wrote:Do you believe that is possible?
Yes It's possible but the relationship is never really balanced because one of them wanted the love relationship downgraded to freindship and the other accepts it only as a last resort.


Agreed. And that can cause resentment.
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Unread postby suec » Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:28 am

I know it is possible because one of my best friends is an ex. I think the friendship worked for several reasons.
The way the first relationship ended: the fire went out after 6 years and we were both ready to let it go.
Our circumstances at the time: we were working together and so we had to make a new relationship work, and also regular contact was maintained. He remained quite propietorial, though, which bugged the hell out of me, so I left.
But then the friendship grew because of our characters. I still cared for him and didn't want to be never seeing him again; he just likes to stay friendly, especially with women. A new phase set in. We began to confide in each other again. I value his friendship highly because he is never less than totally honest with me. Sometimes, his home truths can be more than I might welcome, actually, but he is the only one who does it. It comes from having been so close and intimate in the past, and also from his nature.
I don't think that many of these factors apply to Mutz and Anna though.
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Unread postby DeppInTheHeartOfTexas » Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:43 am

It sounds like in your situation suec, you both had quite a bit invested in the relationship and you both wanted to maintain the connection on some level. I think you are right about Anna and Mutz, he definitely felt more for Anna than she did for him.
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Unread postby Charlene » Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:05 pm

I never had the feeling that Mutz was truly in love with Anna...lust, yes (she was available and willing), love...perhaps only because she was the only woman he found available...and circumstances sometimes push people together and they think they are in love.

He was willing to take whatever crumb she could offer. I don't think he had a very high opinion of himself. Put him in another situation and he might have realized his worth and found other women who would love him totally.

It was srange times, and people hook up with the available database...hey, look at those people on the shows "Big Brother or Survivior"...under normal circumstances, would they choose one of those people to hook up with?

I think in the end, he would not have been able to hold on to Anna, and his love (if that is what you want to call it), would have turned to resentment and a memory of a bad time in his life.

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Unread postby Liz » Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:50 pm

Suec, thanks for sharing that. It shows that it is really possible. I’m really rather pessimistic about these things. It sounds nice. But I always felt it was unrealistic. It is nice to know it can work.

Charlene, I think he had more feelings for Anna than lust. But she didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for her. So it was best for him to move on.
You can't judge a book by its cover.

The only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story.


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