Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

by Keith Richards & James Fox

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DeppInTheHeartOfTexas
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Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby DeppInTheHeartOfTexas » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:12 pm

Pg. 312 "Most guys I know are :censored: , I have some great :censored: friends, but that's not the point. Friendship has got nothing to do with that. It's can you hang, can you talk about this without any feeling of distance between you? Friendship is a diminishing of distance between people. That's what friendship is, and to me it's one of the most important things in the world."

What say you?
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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Gilbert's Girl » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:20 pm

Well I'd agree with that, after all here on the zone people have made great friendships with people they've never even met and some have and yet are often on different continents. So yes distance is diminished.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby nebraska » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:49 pm

I have both on-line and face-to-face friends. They are my life line. I can't imagine what life would be like without them. I never hear my older sister talk about going places or doing things with her girlfriends - she has never talked about anything like that -- it is always her husband, her kids, and her grandkids. When she mentions anyone outside the family it is usually "couple" acquaintances from her husband's former work. I need more than that to stay fresh and alive as a person.

Not sure what he means by the first part when he talks about men being :censored: . He maybe be right about that one, too. They certainly are different from women, that's for sure! For many years my best friends were always men because they seemed more straight forward and less competitive and sneaky than women. It is only since I have grown older that I have accumulated a lot of women friends and don't have as many male friends.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Gilbert's Girl » Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:36 pm

nebraska wrote:I have both on-line and face-to-face friends. They are my life line. I can't imagine what life would be like without them. I never hear my older sister talk about going places or doing things with her girlfriends - she has never talked about anything like that -- it is always her husband, her kids, and her grandkids. When she mentions anyone outside the family it is usually "couple" acquaintances from her husband's former work. I need more than that to stay fresh and alive as a person.

Not sure what he means by the first part when he talks about men being :censored: . He maybe be right about that one, too. They certainly are different from women, that's for sure! For many years my best friends were always men because they seemed more straight forward and less competitive and sneaky than women. It is only since I have grown older that I have accumulated a lot of women friends and don't have as many male friends.

Not sure what the :censored: bit is since its not in the book did DITHOT mean to put it in instead of the word next to it. :lol:

Interesting DITHOT that you used this passage since Keith was talking about Mick at the start of the passage but you have left that out I assume there might be a question later.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Jackslady » Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:57 pm

I tend to have a small group of trusted, close friends rather than a large circle of aquaintances. My friends are very significant to me, perhaps because I don't have a partner, children or other family. However I think with the rise of the internet, it is possible to form "online" friendships as well which can be a huge source of support/entertainment/company - I certainly rely on interaction in the online world a lot, all my friends are married, some with grandchildren now and understandably they are mostly busy with family stuff at weekends etc. I love online chatting and think there is much to be gained from it.

I'm a great believer in Anne of Green Gables' philosophy, that there are "kindred spirits" - people whom you meet who are simply on your wavelength, it can't be forced, it's simply there or it isn't.

I think what is so great about trusted, reliable sites such as the Zone is that one feels 100% comfortable chatting about Johnny - from his movies, to his clothes to his choice of cars or whatever - it's all fine here, whereas in the "real world", my friends would look at me like I was nuts :lol: (though most of them do like Johnny I have to say). Likewise with sharing a discussion on Life - I can chat away here about a book I've enjoyed, without boring some of my friends who aren't into Keith and so forth.
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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby nebraska » Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:14 pm

Jackslady wrote:I'm a great believer in Anne of Green Gables' philosophy, that there are "kindred spirits" - people whom you meet who are simply on your wavelength, it can't be forced, it's simply there or it isn't.


I also believe that people come into your life at a particular time and meet a special need, and then later move out of your life when the time has passed. That was hard for me to learn, that at times it was appropriate to let people go and friendships end when the time had come. I have had some really good friendships that changed and no longer functioned after a period of time. People become close and then grow apart, and it isn't the same as marriage where there are other shared bonds like children and property to hold you together and make you work a little harder to maintain the relationship.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby DeppInTheHeartOfTexas » Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:25 pm

Yes, forgot to take out the deleted word. That's what I get for rushing! :blush: And I'm rushing now!

You may answer in response to Mick or any other person in the book!
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -

Wow! What a ride!

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Gilbert's Girl » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:07 pm

nebraska wrote:
Jackslady wrote:I'm a great believer in Anne of Green Gables' philosophy, that there are "kindred spirits" - people whom you meet who are simply on your wavelength, it can't be forced, it's simply there or it isn't.


I also believe that people come into your life at a particular time and meet a special need, and then later move out of your life when the time has passed. That was hard for me to learn, that at times it was appropriate to let people go and friendships end when the time had come. I have had some really good friendships that changed and no longer functioned after a period of time. People become close and then grow apart, and it isn't the same as marriage where there are other shared bonds like children and property to hold you together and make you work a little harder to maintain the relationship.

I agree I have certainly experienced that in my life too, certain people were friends at certain times in my life but as I grew older and moved onto other areas of life so I made new friends and have not kept up with ones from the past.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Gilbert's Girl » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:18 pm

DeppInTheHeartOfTexas wrote:Yes, forgot to take out the deleted word. That's what I get for rushing! :blush: And I'm rushing now!

You may answer in response to Mick or any other person in the book!

I think that Keith was probably closer to Mick than the other way round but they were obviously very close to begin with when the band was forming and during the period they were living in the same flat and writing together. But their allegiences to each other shifted but I think that was a natural thing anyway over time especially as they drifted apart with forming relationships with spouses and family and different interests away from the band. I think Keith would like to still have the closeness I think thats what he meant when he said that he hadn't been to Mick's dressing room in 20 years. I don't think he actually meant that as liturally although I don't think he does go there but thats becasue of another reason and they all have their own backstage area.
Keith felt Mick's betrayal in the 80's quite profoundly the other band memebers to a lesser degree but I think that was partly becasue Mick didn't talk to him face to face about it all.
The relationship continues to a lesser degree now as they still talk , work and see each other just not very often and its possible Mick was a little upset by some of the remarks in the book.
As for the other band members I think Keith has been obviously close to Ronnie Wood and to Charlie Watts but he obviously got different things from those relationships.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby nebraska » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:53 pm

It isn't surprising to me that Mick and Keith have had rough spots in their relationship. They grew up in close proximity but their backgrounds were quite different and I think that possibly lead to their ambitions being different as well, Mick wanting more of the glamorous social life and Keith being more content to stay out of the limelight privately. I am not sure what else they really had in common beside the music which was their work, their careers. I have a close friendship with someone I used to work with, but our relationship didn't become close until we no longer worked together. Combining work and personal lives can be a pretty touchy matter.
One of my favorite passages in the book is on page 501. " ... sooner or later the two principals will turn on each other because one of them will be driven crazy by the knowledge that to be at their best they need to perform with the other person and therefore they need that other person to be successful ..." But I think that still applies to a working relationship, being on cordial terms because you need to work closely together. I think that is different from friendship.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Liz » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:07 pm

nebraska wrote:It isn't surprising to me that Mick and Keith have had rough spots in their relationship. They grew up in close proximity but their backgrounds were quite different and I think that possibly lead to their ambitions being different as well, Mick wanting more of the glamorous social life and Keith being more content to stay out of the limelight privately. I am not sure what else they really had in common beside the music which was their work, their careers. I have a close friendship with someone I used to work with, but our relationship didn't become close until we no longer worked together. Combining work and personal lives can be a pretty touchy matter.
One of my favorite passages in the book is on page 501. " ... sooner or later the two principals will turn on each other because one of them will be driven crazy by the knowledge that to be at their best they need to perform with the other person and therefore they need that other person to be successful ..." But I think that still applies to a working relationship, being on cordial terms because you need to work closely together. I think that is different from friendship.

I think that it is more likely to be a problem if you are friends first. It's like how they say that you should never hire your friend or a relative of your friend, the reason being that if it doesn't work out, there is a good chance the friendship will end. I think it depends, however, on a lot of factors, ego, competence, patience or lack there of, how involved the working relationship is, whether it's an equal partnership.

Conversely, I think that friendships formed after having worked together for a while are more likely to work out because you know what the person is like to work with/for. And the reason you become friends is that you respect/appreciate/get along with said person.
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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby fireflydances » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:07 pm

I couldn't agree more about friendship. And I assume he is speaking of deep friendship, the kind that starts out with an inescapable sense of commonality, that two peas in a pod, same wave length sort of feeling and turns into the two of you sharing long conversations about what matters and why. I can't imagine the past couple of years without friends, without knowing there's someone I can turn to, someone who knows my heart. Friends are essential, perhaps they make us totally human.
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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Liz » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:14 pm

Gilbert's Girl wrote:
nebraska wrote:
Jackslady wrote:I'm a great believer in Anne of Green Gables' philosophy, that there are "kindred spirits" - people whom you meet who are simply on your wavelength, it can't be forced, it's simply there or it isn't.


I also believe that people come into your life at a particular time and meet a special need, and then later move out of your life when the time has passed. That was hard for me to learn, that at times it was appropriate to let people go and friendships end when the time had come. I have had some really good friendships that changed and no longer functioned after a period of time. People become close and then grow apart, and it isn't the same as marriage where there are other shared bonds like children and property to hold you together and make you work a little harder to maintain the relationship.

I agree I have certainly experienced that in my life too, certain people were friends at certain times in my life but as I grew older and moved onto other areas of life so I made new friends and have not kept up with ones from the past.


I have never been able to reconcile with this. The end of close friendships has always been hard for me. Most are associated with one of us moving away. And I find this interesting because my closest friends now are those that are already far away. And another friend of mine who was kind of an on and off again friend here moved away about 7 years ago. I didn't even know that she had moved to Chicago until she emailed me one day. Since that day we have been extremely close.....much closer than we were when she lived here. Go figure. Hmmmmm. I wonder what that says about me. :-/
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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Liz » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:16 pm

fireflydances wrote:I couldn't agree more about friendship. And I assume he is speaking of deep friendship, the kind that starts out with an inescapable sense of commonality, that two peas in a pod, same wave length sort of feeling and turns into the two of you sharing long conversations about what matters and why. I can't imagine the past couple of years without friends, without knowing there's someone I can turn to, someone who knows my heart. Friends are essential, perhaps they make us totally human.

I don't know what I'd do without my friends.
You can't judge a book by its cover.

The only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story.

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Re: Life Question #22 ~ Friendship

Unread postby Buster » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:21 pm

I agree, firefly, and I also get what Keith means about some of his friends being, shall we say, difficult. Somehow friendship transcends a lot of otherwise unappealing behaviors, simply because the bond is deep enough. I suspect most of us have had a friend that at one point or another we considered a total jerk, but were able to forgive and move on. Maybe friendship is not so much about "liking" as it is about "understanding".


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